kokoronohanashi: (Default)
I'm wonderful. And I'm awesome. I know I'm still not trusting myself 100%, but I'm on my way to it, and I'm making progress, even if slowly.
kokoronohanashi: (Default)
The time to make a decision is close. What road would I follow? Which is better for me?

...

I'm back. It feels so good to be back! To be honest, it's like, time has stopped until now and started moving again. Am I going crazy?
kokoronohanashi: (V6_icon)
 It has been 3 years since the day I joined Dreamwidth. Ok, to be precise, it has been 3 years and 6 days (who cares anyway?). Back then, I wouldn't imagine that a backup blog would come this far. Nowadays, here is the only place I still update, even if just for personal purposes. 

What I wanted to say is that I'm very grateful for dreamwidth and for this blog. I had made many memories here and I hope to keep writing and posting, be them about memorable facts or blabberings, rl or fandom stuffs.

Happy 3rd Anniversary, kokoronohanashi! 


kokoronohanashi: (Default)
 I'm nervous!!!! I'M VERY, VERY STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!! What can I do to relax????? No, I CAN'T RELAX AT ALL!!!!
kokoronohanashi: (Emma_Neal_icon)
 F*ck you, Eddie and Adam. F*ck you, Once Upon a Time.
It's such a pity a series that started so well to decay so much. I remember how enchanted I was with the plot, with the characters, how I related with the emotional conflicts. I really, really loved Baelfire character ever since his first appearance. His story and his dad, Rumplestiltiskin's touched me so much. I couldn't wait to know what happened with him after season 1 episode 19. I couldn't wait for the reunite between father and son. And then, when we found out Neal, who happened to be Emma's True Love and Henry's father, was also Bae, the son of The Dark One, I was so happy! I also loved Neal even before the confirmation he was Bae. And eventually, I started shipping Emma and Neal together. But it was not what the show wanted...They decided to please the media and part of the audience by leaning towards Captain Swan and ruining the plot. Meh. 

Besides, the story itself is getting too confusing...It has lost the "magic" of the first 2 seasons. 

So, for the show to cut off such an important character, who had so much potential for plot development, is disappointing. There is still so much to be told.  

I'm really disappointed, so I'm quitting this shitty show. Also, goodbye, my Tumblr account, which had been especially created for OUAT fangirling. Sorry not sorry. 
kokoronohanashi: (Belle-solitude)
 I'm sick. No, it's not a feeling. I caught a flu and didn't attend classes today. So, what is ahead for me in this course? I couldn't study at all with this flu bothering me. I'm supposed to finish my part of a seminar until the reunion tomorrow morning. However, all I could do today was to lay down. I'm sneezing like crazy, my head hurts and I feel pain all over my body. What am I supposed to do?? 

The worst part is...as much as I see that my classmates are nice people, in a situation like this, in which I miss classes, I can't count on anyone. The cliques are already formed and the "members" help one another, but I'm not part of any clique. In that crowded place I feel alone at most, even more than when I was at home on my own in Sampa. 
kokoronohanashi: (Belle-solitude)
 It's time to let go of a dream, isn't it?

....

How can I? I've tried, but I still can't...I'm so frustrated for not achieving this dream that I'm unhappy and unable to "see' the positive in my life.

 
kokoronohanashi: (Emma_Neal_icon)
 Dear Mr. Soulmate,

I don't know you...At least not in this life. I mean, I used to believe this, that we live multiple lives and that people have a spiritual family and a soul mate. But now, I'm not sure if these stuffs exist, including you. Maybe it's all stupid of me to write a letter to a fantasy persona, but who cares...It's my blog and I write to whoever I want, right? After all, you might really exist and currently live somewhere in this planet. And if this is true, I wonder about where do you live, how old are you, what you are currently doing, what do you like and what you don't like, if we like the same stuffs, and I wonder if you wonder about the same things as I do. But what I wonder the most is...If you really exist, will our lives cross paths? Will we recognize each other?

I envy my friends who have already met their soul mates...Or at least have a life partner. I have never had a boyfriend and all the guys I loved didn't love me back. It had always been an unrequited feeling. I hate that I'm feeling needy at the moment, but yeah it comes to a point in which you realize you are aging and you still had never gotten into any kind of a romantic relationship and you're not normal, you're out of the world. Most times I ignore this feeling, I say to myself that it's all social conventions about what's considered normal, and that I don't need anyone, that I'm fine with it, with who I am.  And it works perfectly for a while. But sometimes I feel am emptiness inside when I see my friends discussing about their relationships and I can't say anything because I've never experienced it.

When it happens, I tell myself that the right person will come in the right time, and I just have to keep following my life. So, I truly hope that you will come into my life in the right time. I know we won't be the perfect couple. We might argue sometimes, but we will also share happy moments. We will surely make fun of each other, but we will surely be there for each other. So, wherever you are, know that I love you, that I pray for you are doing fine. May you be happy and stay well.

Until next time!
Love,
Deia

blah

Mar. 23rd, 2014 12:15 pm
kokoronohanashi: (Belle-solitude)
 I'm trying to be cheerful, but why does this sadness remain? Why do I feel like my depression is coming back? Why can't I be motivated for anything, not even to study? I was supposed to be happy, wasn't I? I really was supposed to be motivated, as I finally gotten to go to Med School...But how could I, when the said MS sucks, when we lack teachers for some subjects and the ones for the subjects we have can't teach at all, when you have to use a hat in order not to be harassed by fucking sophomores, when you have to skip classes just to not to bump into these guys, when you had already started late and can't follow the classes? 

...

Jan. 24th, 2014 10:35 am
kokoronohanashi: (V6_angsty)
 Sometimes, I think...I should have done better, I should have tried harder. I should have studied more. I should have been flawless. And the point is...I don't know if I'll have another opportunity as much as I had last year. If I try it harder this year, will I make it? Do I have a guarantee?
If only I had a guarantee...I'd not hesitate on making my choice of doing another year of cram school. But the point is...No, there is no guarantee, and also, we can't be 100% flawless or a 100% perfect, because human being is made of flaws and imperfections. 

So, in the end, I'm still in the dark, with no control over my life. 

...

Nov. 18th, 2013 10:47 pm
kokoronohanashi: (Default)
I'm tired. Very, very tired. And it's just the beginning of the week...Not to mention that there is another exam coming in the weekend. Ugh.

Well, well, well. It's not time to feel depressed or to complain. Show must go on and I need to keep giving my own best!

Finados

Nov. 2nd, 2013 06:06 pm
kokoronohanashi: (Rumple_icon)
 Hoje é dia de Finados. Seria hipocrisia dizer que eu celebro essa data, que eu vou ao cemitério visitar os parentes que já faleceram. Contudo, eu rezo por eles todo ano...Não uma reza decorada, mas uma reza sincera. Esse ano, algumas pessoas queridas desencarnaram, e eu gostaria de orar por elas hoje. Gostaria de dizer que sinto a falta delas, mas que também desejo que estejam com a luz, que estejam em paz, com a Espiritualidade guiando-nas. É só uma pena no momento eu não consiga escrever tudo quanto penso, mas dizem que vale o sentimento, não é mesmo?
kokoronohanashi: (Emma_Neal_icon)
 I believe in Swanfire. I'm a Swanfire shipper, and nothing in the show will make me give up supporting this pairing. 
kokoronohanashi: (Rumple_icon)
 Dear Mei,

You were a good cat. It's true that you had your diva moments but in general you were very sweet. You were peaceful, you weren't the type of cat who used to get involved in fights. I even remember that the last time I went to Campo Grande, you used to stay at home most of time.
I miss you. But I also hope you rest in peace. And to the horrible, crude people who did that to you, may they pay for it someday.


kokoronohanashi: (Default)
 Semana do Saco Cheio adiantada acabando, mais uma etapa se iniciando, e eu diria que é a fase final e decisiva daqui pra frente, até o final do ano. Não sei mais o que fazer pra melhorar meu desempenho nos simulados. É como se eu tivesse tentado de tudo, mas nada de fato funcionasse, e tudo porque na hora da prova eu fico nervosa e dá aquele branco e eu não consigo resolver as questões e daí já era. Sim, eu sei, eu preciso controlar meu estresse e minha ansiedade, e sim, eu sei que há diversos métodos de controle, como exercícios físicos e meditação, só que eu tô sem tempo para isso. Estou naquele momento em que eu desejaria que o dia tivesse 48 horas rsrs, mas como isso não é possível, o jeito é eu reorganizar meu horário de estudos e arranjar um tempinho para pelo menos fazer um exercício de relaxamento. 
Se há uma coisa que vem me irritando ultimamente é as pessoas me dizerem que eu preciso ter mais confiança em mim mesma. É muito fácil para o outro afirmar isso, tem uma autoconfiança e tanto pra te julgar assim. O problema é quando uma pessoa como eu tem um histórico de acontecimentos malogrados e depressivos. Tipo... Não é como se eu não estivesse me esforçando para ser mais autoconfiante, sabe? Eu estou me esforçando sim, e acredito que veio tendo progresso, mesmo que pequeno e gradativo, só que não é visível aos olhos alheios.

Em resumo, eu me sinto meio que parecida com a Meredith Grey e quem assiste a Grey's Anatomy irá entender do que estou falando... XD *fala para as paredes*

Vamos ver no que vai dar. 

*escreveu o post porque está sem sono*
kokoronohanashi: (Default)
So I've decided to come back (again) to update this journal, but probably in Portuguese, because it'd be good for my writing improvement, or maybe I'll keep writing in English here and create another blog in Portuguese...idk yet. 

Many things are happening in my life, but I don't wanna talk about them now, maybe another time. 

...

Today is OUAT season 2 finale...and I haven't watched last week's episode yet, though I've seen spoilers through tumblr and well, I already know what happened with Neal, and my dear lovely OTP Swanfire T__________T. Well, idk what to expect for today's episode, actually if there is something I've learned about this series is that it's better to expect nothing about happy endings for the characters and that yes, the writers are evil. Anyway, I know I'll probably just be able to watch this episode in July, so I'm not even worried about downloading it now, just as long as Emma and Neal get together (someday), I'll be fine with waiting. ;)

...

On a side and totally non-related note, f*cking IBS are back to my displeasure. x.x 

So that's it for now. Until next time! o/

kokoronohanashi: (Emma_Neal_icon)
 Is what I have to say about the latest OUAT. OH.MY.GOD. Have been waiting for so long for this episode and the family reunion, Nealfire becoming canon, SwanFire officially existing, Henry and Neal plus Nealfire and Rumple plus Emma and Neal meeting again. SO MANY FEELS. It would just have been more perfect if Neal said "I loved you too Emma" and added "and I'm so sorry I sent you to jail that time. I don't know if someday you'll forgive me, but I did it with the best of intentions for you to reunite with your family" instead of saying "I was trying to help you...by getting you home." No matter how noble his reasons, the fact is that she did go to jail to pay for his crime and she suffered a lot there. He didn't say he was sorry not even once (although his face was obviously expressing some kind of regret), he still thinks he was doing the right thing (and blame August for convincing him), although I guess the shock of meeting his father was too big for him to think about his relationship with Emma, so I'll give him the benefit of doubt.
 
I just want to see Neal fighting for Emma, to have him say "I love you" first to her, if there is still love between them (and I believe there is at least a glimmer of affection that might reawaken their love. Proofs: the keychain and the yellow bug plus the dreamcatcher, as pointed out by the fellow swanfire shippers). However I also don't expect those two to get in a romantic relationship for now. There are just too many issues to solve between them tbh. But in my headcanon they love each other and they fight for each other and they become endgame, okay? 

And the rest of the episode I'll comment later, because yes, there are lots of stuffs to talk about and if I do it now, I probably won't sleep lol.
kokoronohanashi: (Emma_Neal_icon)
Since I didn't talk about "Tiny", I'm just gonna point my favourite parts.

1-Anton's backstory. It's so sad his story and to know human's cruelty against the giants. And all he wanted was to make friends with them.  

2-Mr. Gold, Emma and Henry's scene at the airport. Emma calling Gold her "father" is so funny, plus the "how terribly uncivilized" line! Plus, Henry and Cinnabons are a new OTP lol.

3-Gold realising he doesn't have magic after continuously beating his hand. Wow, that was such an intense scene I can't even.

4-Charming's real FTL name being David. Yes, it was obvious, but I also feel relieved for the confirmation lol. And that scene with Grumpy was priceless. 

5-Hook and Regina. I know I was not supposed to be shipping them because they together means more evil teaming up, but they have such a breathtaking chemistry, omg. I still have some hope that as they share the same background story regarding losing their true loves, they would also fall in love with and "heal" each other and they would turn themselves against Cora. 

Anyway, that's all I remember for now, maybe because I'm too excited for today's episode.

 Yes, finally, after the long wait, we'll eventually have Manhattan. OMG, I can't wait for the family reunion, really. Plus, Emma and Neal!!!!! FEELS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
kokoronohanashi: (Default)
part 2 of my ramblings about the spoiler pics for OUAT 2x18, but it's almost the same thing written. )

I'll stop commenting about it until the episodes air and we have either the confirmation or the denial of that theory. And also, until we find out Neal's own reason for his actions (or lack of). Anyway, I'm not in the mood to fangirl about ST and Neal either, and I'll probably be in this slump for a while. Maybe it's time to dedicate myself to other pairings/stuffs. It's all making me sick. Yeah, I'm real sick, with fever and pain all over my body while I type this. I'm gonna rest and try to watch OUAT new episode later. 

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