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I'm trying to be cheerful, but why does this sadness remain? Why do I feel like my depression is coming back? Why can't I be motivated for anything, not even to study? I was supposed to be happy, wasn't I? I really was supposed to be motivated, as I finally gotten to go to Med School...But how could I, when the said MS sucks, when we lack teachers for some subjects and the ones for the subjects we have can't teach at all, when you have to use a hat in order not to be harassed by fucking sophomores, when you have to skip classes just to not to bump into these guys, when you had already started late and can't follow the classes?
Mar. 23rd, 2014
Dear Mr. Soulmate,
I don't know you...At least not in this life. I mean, I used to believe this, that we live multiple lives and that people have a spiritual family and a soul mate. But now, I'm not sure if these stuffs exist, including you. Maybe it's all stupid of me to write a letter to a fantasy persona, but who cares...It's my blog and I write to whoever I want, right? After all, you might really exist and currently live somewhere in this planet. And if this is true, I wonder about where do you live, how old are you, what you are currently doing, what do you like and what you don't like, if we like the same stuffs, and I wonder if you wonder about the same things as I do. But what I wonder the most is...If you really exist, will our lives cross paths? Will we recognize each other?
I envy my friends who have already met their soul mates...Or at least have a life partner. I have never had a boyfriend and all the guys I loved didn't love me back. It had always been an unrequited feeling. I hate that I'm feeling needy at the moment, but yeah it comes to a point in which you realize you are aging and you still had never gotten into any kind of a romantic relationship and you're not normal, you're out of the world. Most times I ignore this feeling, I say to myself that it's all social conventions about what's considered normal, and that I don't need anyone, that I'm fine with it, with who I am. And it works perfectly for a while. But sometimes I feel am emptiness inside when I see my friends discussing about their relationships and I can't say anything because I've never experienced it.
When it happens, I tell myself that the right person will come in the right time, and I just have to keep following my life. So, I truly hope that you will come into my life in the right time. I know we won't be the perfect couple. We might argue sometimes, but we will also share happy moments. We will surely make fun of each other, but we will surely be there for each other. So, wherever you are, know that I love you, that I pray for you are doing fine. May you be happy and stay well.
Until next time!
Love,
Deia
I don't know you...At least not in this life. I mean, I used to believe this, that we live multiple lives and that people have a spiritual family and a soul mate. But now, I'm not sure if these stuffs exist, including you. Maybe it's all stupid of me to write a letter to a fantasy persona, but who cares...It's my blog and I write to whoever I want, right? After all, you might really exist and currently live somewhere in this planet. And if this is true, I wonder about where do you live, how old are you, what you are currently doing, what do you like and what you don't like, if we like the same stuffs, and I wonder if you wonder about the same things as I do. But what I wonder the most is...If you really exist, will our lives cross paths? Will we recognize each other?
I envy my friends who have already met their soul mates...Or at least have a life partner. I have never had a boyfriend and all the guys I loved didn't love me back. It had always been an unrequited feeling. I hate that I'm feeling needy at the moment, but yeah it comes to a point in which you realize you are aging and you still had never gotten into any kind of a romantic relationship and you're not normal, you're out of the world. Most times I ignore this feeling, I say to myself that it's all social conventions about what's considered normal, and that I don't need anyone, that I'm fine with it, with who I am. And it works perfectly for a while. But sometimes I feel am emptiness inside when I see my friends discussing about their relationships and I can't say anything because I've never experienced it.
When it happens, I tell myself that the right person will come in the right time, and I just have to keep following my life. So, I truly hope that you will come into my life in the right time. I know we won't be the perfect couple. We might argue sometimes, but we will also share happy moments. We will surely make fun of each other, but we will surely be there for each other. So, wherever you are, know that I love you, that I pray for you are doing fine. May you be happy and stay well.
Until next time!
Love,
Deia